In Time Out

So, where exactly are we in this Journey?

When we first began, the thought was that it would last six to eighteen months. Here we are one year ago since Debbie quit her job. The end of this month will be one year since we moved out of our old rock home and turned our world topsy-turvy. And here I sit, in St. Louis Missouri, in a place I would never have guessed to be on that day one year ago.

At one visit, when asked how long we would go on, we stated until God let us know something different or the money ran out. Well, the money did run out but I don’t think it is over. God has done anything but let us know that the Journey is far from over.

Throughout it all, there have been long moments of waiting. I think we must be in one now. Summer is here so we have no talks scheduled. But right now, we are waiting.

I will never get used to waiting. Never. Maybe that is why I am put in these ‘time out’ phases so often. I just don’t know how to be still on my own.

What do I want? Or rather, what do I feel called to be doing?

I want to be in an active stage of discernment, actually knowing that I am working with others who are helping me discern God’s call to me. Waiting for a one year period of time to pass before that happens seems wasteful…especially in that I am so actively involved in all that is the Cathedral at this moment.

I want to be a part of the solution that discerns how to work with the downtown community – both those who are displaced and disenfranchised and those at the opposite end of the spectrum, those who are well off and living in the new lofts and downtown apartments.

AND I want to keep on with this issue of justice and listening to the voices of children, parents of LGBT people and to the LGBT people themselves. I do believe that this journey of speaking is far from over.

But I am waiting…waiting for people imposed limitations and schedules beyond my control.

While waiting, today I heard the Gospel reading -- "Don't begin by traveling to some far-off place to convert unbelievers. And don't try to be dramatic by tackling some public enemy. Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously.” (From The Message Matthew 10:5-8)

Hmm…

When we are called into a waiting time, a “time out” if you will, maybe it is because we stopped listening at some point. This entire journey was about listening – listening to others and being listened to ourselves. A sharing…a dialogue.

Maybe I stopped listening. I think the word “maybe” ought to be deleted.

Prioritizing. I need to prioritize.

Right now there are a number of things that are fairly if not vitally important. The Cathedral and its life are important and it seems somehow and for some reason Debbie and I have been called right into the middle of it. We have to believe that is a “God-thing”.

The ministry of Integrity and the Canterbury Campaign and its Lambeth goals are also of vital importance at this particular moment. (Have you contributed yet?)

And while the issues of gays and lesbians in this Church are also vitally important, I am sure that there are some things I can do without traveling around during these $4 per gallon times.

I still dislike waiting. But maybe I can try to take my mind off that part and attempt to direct my heart into the listening part. There are lots of “lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood.” The kin-dome is alive…I can do my share of healing and soothing.

I have been treated very generously. I have much to share.