Over the past year or so, I have learned more about empathy, what it means to be an empath, and how that all fits in with the ministry I do.
I have also learned that while
I am very empathetic to the emotional and physical troubles of other people, and
while I have many empath tendencies, more than empathy, I understand that
everyone walks a path, and each path is full of obstacles that only that person
will understand. My job is not to “walk a mile in their shoes” nor is it to
feel empathy for their troubles. My job is to understand that while everyone
has obstacles to overcome, some obstacles are set in place by our culture, our
society, our racist, self-concerned elected officials, all of which makes the obstacles
of some far greater than the obstacles of others. My job is to walk with them
as I can as they come to these obstacles. It doesn't hurt to empathize; in fact, it is good. Yet empathy by itself does little. It is like faith without works.
As an example: a loved one has
an accident or illness and ends up in the hospital. After a long while, many expensive
different tests and procedures, that loved one dies or is severely disabled.
This happens to many people and is very relatable. We can all truthfully state
how sorry we are for this happening.
However, depending upon where
one lives, grief can be compounded by extreme debt which can result in any
number of calamities. As an example, when the loved one is in the hospital, the
employment status of the parent/spouse/partner can be in danger as that
caregiver is by the side of the patient. If there is family or compassionate
leave in one’s employment package, all is well. However, if one holds a job
with no such thing, that person may find themselves without employment on top
of the other concerns.
Those miracle tests and
procedures that often save lives but sometimes cannot in the long run are
expensive and may become the mountain that comes tumbling down. This is the
difference between states that have Expanded Medicaid and those states which
carelessly, selfishly, even sadistically do not.
Those medical bills and the
loss of job due to family crisis can result in homelessness and full disruption
of family life. Suddenly, families – minus one loved one, or with a medically
compromised life – are not only mired in grief but also impossible debt,
jobless, evicted, hopeless, homeless.
Only a part of this happened
to my family. Two months of extremely expensive medical care would have been
far different had our precious boy lived in Missouri rather than Oregon. Oregon
has expanded Medicare. The governor of Missouri, kowtowing to the ignorance and
self-concern of lobbyists and conservative politicians, deemed it prudent for
his political life to ignore the demands of Missouri voters and deny the voice
of the people to enact expanded Medicaid in this state. Had our loved one lived
in Missouri, he would have first had to be approved for disability before he
would become eligible for Medicaid. Even though he lay basically comatose for
two months, who knows how long it would have taken to get him declared disabled?
All this means is that his medical bills would have begun to pile, higher, and
deeper.
Another important part that
makes our situation different from those of too many is that our jobs are
stable and while there was not an official compassionate leave aspect, the employers
we work for are indeed compassionate. Our income continued even as we were
debilitated with concern and grief. Our home and our dogs welcomed us as we
returned. No bills went unpaid. Only the mountain of grief towers over us. From
that, even if it threatens to crush us on some days, we will arise.
What has this to do with empathy?
While the reader may be able (or not) to fully empathize with this situation, one
does not have to have a heart moment to see the differences that exist for too
many. How many families in Saint Louis City alone have lost all they have – ON TOP
OF THE GRIEF – because the system proves daily that it does not care about
them? This is not a matter of heart, of empathy. This is not an urban vs rural
thing, conservative vs liberal. It happens to people across the geographical
and political spectrum.
Grief is difficult enough to experience.
No one should have to be concerned about healthcare, job security, or unpaid
bills on top of grief. Our political system is corrupt and immoral. We have the
power to change that. It is our job to make certain it happens.
