I just can't help but be amazed at the narrowness of people's belief systems. We talk about being a nation that believes in God even to the ridiculous point of having hissy fits about the word "God" being on our money or being able to display the Ten Commandments in government buildings. We talk God but we don't live it. We believe in God as long as we can fit the concept of God into our little shoebox minds. We love to point out how others do not act as though they believe in God but never stop to turn that pointing finger around to the tip of our own noses. We want others to change and do the things that we believe are good and right. Anyone who disagrees with us must be wrong. We talk about listening but all we are doing is thinking about what we will say next when the bozo talking shuts the heck up. Look at the success of the blog world – we can write what we want and not worry about someone interrupting us.
We live in this giant I, ME, MINE world. We can hardly blame it on one generation or the next. Best I can tell, every generation has tendency to view the world from an individual-what-does-it-do-for-me type of viewpoint. Everything is about ME NOW and if I have more then I will share later…maybe.
So what it in the world is up with this huge preoccupation about gays and lesbians, what they do, who they want to spend their lives with and whether they want to have children? Why are some heterosexuals so obsessed with trying to push us back into the closet? Or worse, bury us and play like they just saved humanity from some huge eschatological evil.
I am not surprised that the vote in Maine was a Yes vote on 1. Yet I am surprised that people care so much to spend so much money to fight one group of people having the right to legally marry a person that they love. So much money spent on this vote in Maine. Meanwhile children in the US go hungry, go without healthcare, are abused, mistreated, and ignored. While all the money that is being spent making certain that heterosexual marriage is kept clean and sanctimonious for heterosexual people, children died.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German Lutheran pastor theologian during Hitler's reign wrote that "The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children." I won't even go into the crappy world we are leaving to our children…I am just talking about today and the way we treat them in the right here and now. If we are to be judged by Bonhoeffer's statement, we are a very immoral society and it appears we are steadily declining. But I hardly think it has anything at all to do with gay couples being able to wed the person they love. In fact, let's put the blame square where it belongs. If it isn't your kid, very few give a rat's ass.
Best I can tell, the world at large and the U.S. in particular is in a rather sorry state without worrying about gay marriage. I currently work at Episcopal City Mission. Although it is a chaplaincy program that ministers to kids in detention (jail), we get calls every Sunday and Monday from women seeking shelter. One can only guess why they seek it more then.
In a nation where almost half of all marriages end in divorce, perhaps society's focus would be better set on why people marry rather than who people marry.
Jesus talks about divorce yet it makes little difference. Even the church agrees that divorce is sometimes a necessary part of life. Marriage is not quite as sacred as we would like to pretend it is. Marriage is a civil ceremony, a legal status governed by law. According to the 2006 Census Bureau statistics, less than half of the "household" population in the US was married. So who is so concerned about who can and who cannot get married?
Might the world be a better place if we focus our attention on the families that are rather than the families that might be somewhere in the future? There are a whole lot of problems out there that need immediate attention and some of that money being spent on the boogie man in the closet would be well directed to those things.
According to the Annie E. Casey Foundation and Kids Count Data Center, the US average for children living in single-parent families is 32% (as of 2008). Maine's average is 31%. That's a whole lot of single-parent (most often Moms) raising kids while working.
In the US, 8% of the children live in extreme poverty – remember that extreme poverty means that it leads to death. In Maine, that number is 7% (as of 2008) The kind of killing poverty is something we like to pretend doesn't happen here in our own little country. But it does.
According to the Children's Defense Fund, in the United States as of November 2008, there were 73,901,733 children in the US. Out of those 73+million children, one is born into poverty every 33 seconds; one is abused or neglected every 35 seconds; one child dies before his or her first birthday every 18 minutes; and every 3 hours one child or teen is killed by gunfire…right here in these United States of America. Not only are our children compromised in these ways but 8.9 million of them are without health insurance. Thirty plus million of those 73+ million children are in the School Lunch Program which allows reduced price or free lunch.
Teen suicide rate is also on the increase again. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people between the ages of 15 and 24 and the second leading cause of death among 25-34 year olds. Males are four times as likely to take their own lives as are females.
I wonder what correlation there is between those who are pro-guns, anti-gay, anti-healthcare reform, anti-welfare, pro marriage for heterosexuals only, pro death penalty and believe that corporal punishment would bring peace back into the public school classroom.
The animosity toward gay and lesbian couples wanting to marry might be more understandable if it were truly a conviction based upon faith but it isn't. It is a smear campaign based upon a mass of lies. If I marry my partner, it will not affect one single marriage in this world negatively. Rather, from my partnership, another couple might even find hope in our love for one another.
No one is going to teach "homosexuality" in school. Shoot, they don't even teach heterosexuality in school…maybe if they did, the teen birth rate would not be increasing again. Kids adopted by gay or lesbian couples are no more likely to turn out gay than if raised by the biological parents. No one can teach someone to be gay…and furthermore – WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY WANT TO? Why would anyone "choose" to be gay????? Choose to be discriminated against? Choose to be vilified, demonized, humiliated…beaten to death??? Get real. Please.
Marriage by gays and lesbians will probably not change the statistics for divorce at all. The few studies done so far show that gay or lesbian couples are just as likely to break up for all the same reasons as do straight couples…life happens and people change and it is easier to divorce than it is to try to reconcile differences. It's that I, ME, MINE thing again working overtime. Gays and lesbians are no different than straight people.
Gay couples and lesbian couples will continue to marry when and where they can; they will continue to live together till death do they part; they will continue to raise children – either their own or those children no one else wants – and they will continue to live outside of the closet…regardless of whether or not other people want them to do so. They will continue to live, love, work, play, pray and just be…even if it makes other people uncomfortable.
Best I can tell, what we need to worry about is the children – not just our own selfish concerns for our own but for the children of this nation. They are wounded and we are the ones inflicting the wounds.
We are seriously failing the test of a "moral society."
Joy and sadness blend to a point that it is difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins. I know I feel joy that the Diocese of Fort Worth is about to ordain its first woman priest. I know I am absolutely elated that she will be the first woman rector of a parish in Fort Worth.
The Rev. Susan Slaughter will be ordained a priest in the Episcopal Diocese of Fort Worth on November 15, 2009. My heart sings out in joy for her and for the people of St. Luke's.
Sadly, I will not be able to be a part of the celebration. I am in St. Louis, Diocese of Missouri.
I am here in Missouri because of the Diocese of Fort Worth. I am now in discernment with a committee at my parish. It is now in the process of writing the report and I in writing my autobiographical sketch and vision statement. God willing, I will soon be recommended to my bishop and to the Commission on Ministry as a candidate for the priesthood.
I remember the first time I went to my rector of the moment to tell him how I felt called into a deeper form of ministry. He reminded me that there were many avenues open to me. I could do all the things that I was currently doing – altar guild, Episcopal Church Women, Food Bank and went on to name a few more. He reminded me that was a lot and that perhaps I should accept it as enough. He did, however, give me one thing which I have carried with me for these past 6 years. He suggested that I prayerfully discern why God would be calling as a woman, as a lesbian at that particular time in that particular place. I don't know that he fully understood the profundity of his statement yet I did.
After the election of Bishop Gene Robinson and Fort Worth's first move to break from the Episcopal Church, we left our beloved little parish of Christ the King. There was just too much division over my having stood up at the specially called diocesan convention and spoke out against all the vitriolic statements being made again Bishop Gene Robinson in particular and gays and lesbians in general. We left our parish because to stay meant to be the reason for a split within the parish.
We decided to attend Trinity on the southwest side of Fort Worth. We thought it was large enough for us to get lost in. Yet we found a new family in the small folk service. Over the next couple of years we began to heal.
I remember the second time I went to a rector in Fort Worth with my thoughts that God was calling me into an ordained ministry. That one believed me and tried to help. But he knew the odds. I had already made a name for myself by standing up at that convention and by writing publicly what I believed to be the truth about the Diocese of Fort Worth. Plus I was a co-founder of Fort Worth Via Media, a group intent upon remaining within the Episcopal Church in full contradiction of what the diocese of the time was intending. In addition to that, by 2006, I was also on the board of IntegrityUSA. None of these things endeared me to then-bishop Jack Iker.
Nonetheless, my rector said that he would be willing to go to the bishop with me and for me, recommending that I be considered for the diaconate. Since he wasn't sure so sure about gays and lesbians being bishops, this was a fairly big deal on his part.
Yet, it just was not something that I could do…not at that point…not at that time. I just could not sign anything that said I would never seek the priesthood, that I would agree to a permanent diaconate. There was no moral way at that time that I could have answered, "I am ready and willing to do so" to the question "And will you, in accordance with the canons of this Church, obey your bishop and other ministers who may have authority over you and your work?" As far as the infamous "Dallas Plan" was concerned, the fact that I was living within a partnership kept that from ever being a possibility. Shoot, I wasn't even allowed to be a part of the Cursillo team because I was living with Debbie. There was no way people in Dallas would accept me as a candidate for the priesthood.
So, it was through a long period of discernment that my spiritual advisor and I worked and prayed to find another way. And so I am, here in St. Louis with my little family, Debbie, Tucker and our two dogs. Through discernment, we sold our farm, our animals, and left our parents, my grandmother, our children and our precious grandchildren and headed to Missouri.
So, I won't be in Fort Worth for Deacon Susan's ordination. But I will be rejoicing…and crying…joy mixed with sadness. But somehow I believe that by November 15, the joy will outweigh the sadness.
It will be a new day in Fort Worth. It won't be my day but it will be a very good day.
"As for me, I am establishing my covenant with you and your descendants after you, and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the domestic animals, and every animal of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark." (Genesis 9:9-10)
And here we are, in 2009, and we still marvel at a rainbow after a storm, the "bow" that was placed in the sky as evidence of the promise made by God to the beloved people and to all the animals of the earth.
We are here today with more evidence of God's love – our pets— to bless these faithful companions of ours. I am sure that God smiles in love at each one of our precious friends – at the love we hold for them and even more so for the unconditional love that they hold for us.
The break neck speed at which we live our lives hardly leaves time for a pet yet there they are …always glad to see us …always ready for us to be with them…they make the most of every moment we give them.
They seem to realize that in spite of our daily anxieties, our frustrations, the time spent away… their job is to love us…regardless… faithfully… steadfastedly….
Sort of like the love that God holds for us – unconditional… faithful… steadfast…
There are many things that we can learn from these faithful companions so it seems important to recognize this love today and to turn some of it back their way.
In that most individuals of the world are not able to have the luxury of pets for the sole purpose of loving them, we need to be especially thankful for this point of privilege in our lives. And it is a point of privilege.
"An estimated 16,000 children die from hunger –related causes every day." …Even in our city that has so much poverty, it is difficult to imagine children starving to death. Yet it is real in far too many places.
In many parts of the world, one animal can mean the difference between life and death. A goat, a cow, or flock of chickens – these are more than pets… if we can imagine the idea of "more than a pet."
These animals are capable of making the difference between poverty and self-sufficiency – the literal difference between life and death.
[If you want a chance to learn more about giving an animal to someone across the world…to someone who needs us to make that difference check out the Episcopal Relief and Development web site – www.er-d.org/giftsforlife.]
We live in a time that calls for radical change. It is a time of transformation, of deliberately learning how to give love rather than just be recipients of love…of learning how to love regardless…faithfully…steadfastedly…
God put these animals in our care. With all the animal abuse and puppy mills in the news lately, one can wonder just why God chose to trust us with these precious gifts. But they have lessons for us to learn.
As a part of the process of transformation – from these animals, whether we have them for our own love-and-be-loved-selves or whether we give one in an effort to make a difference, these animals teach us what it is to be selfless…what it is to love without thought of self…what it is to be faithful.
They give us comfort…they recognize our moods…they can even save our lives…they offer themselves to us wholly during our times of happiness or sorrow. They will give us everything they can…
Like God, all they want from us in return is our love…
Our animals are about to receive a blessing. In that moment and forever more, let us realize them for the blessings that they are. Amen.
“The liberation of women could help solve many of the world’s problems, from poverty to child mortality to terrorism.”
This is the lead in to a news story from the New York Times found here. It is a great story and one with which I agree.
However, on my mind for the past few weeks has been the dilemma of public school and education in our own hometowns. This is mainly due to the fact that we have a thirteen year old in 8th grade in the Saint Louis Public Schools.
Living in Texas, rural Texas at that, we were well aware of the problems of public school and the inadequacies to meet both the red tape for the state and the needs of the child. The whole idea is rather oxymoronic, actually. (if that is a word) One cannot meet both the needs of a bureaucracy which is wasteful and self absorbed and the needs of a child who is under nourished both emotionally and physically.
Then there was Dallas. Its public school district had extreme problems. Most problems seemed to be between the growing Hispanic population and the Black population which was feeling very jilted due to the rapid growth of the Hispanic population. Dallas was under threat of losing their accreditation when we left Texas. I have heard similar horror stories of New York City. I can actually speak to the issues here in Saint Louis.
The schools here serve a major purpose -- they feed kids twice per day and keep kids off of the street. At the magnet school Tucker attends, the attendance rate is fairly good -- around 92%. That means that a great number of city kids get at least two meal per day. During summer there is a summer session - although they have classes, this session is again a source of food and busy work for many of those attending.
Anyone who has any type of money or religious connections in St. Louis has their child in either a private or parochial school. IF a child must be in public school, then the only option is to be in a magnet school. IF a child has provable test scores showing that the child has an IQ above 120 then that special child can go into the special magnet school for gifted kids. If not, so sorry, too bad. If you are poor white, poor black, or pink or blue...you are stuck with what is available. Tough stuff.
The kids have to go through metal detectors each and every single day. They cannot carry their backpacks from class to class. They can't even take their books home at night UNLESS there is a specific assignment that they must have the book to complete. Otherwise, the books stay in the classroom. So many rules. Still, bullying and fighting go on. It is difficult if there is a child (or dozens) who have one special need or another. It is mob control at its best. It is chaos or hell to those who do not do well with confusion and noise.
Ok, so why did this article trigger this little bit of rhetoric?
Because we have a crisis in the US that is a disaster in the making. We are cultivating an elite group of well heeled educated young people. We are cultivating a large group of undereducated minorities. We are developing a ruling class and a class waiting to be ruled. Yes, this has been going on for a long time but look at where it is happening -- in the largest cities in the US -- NYC, St. Louis, Dallas...I know these for sure. I would imagine that the same is true for Chicago, LA, Houston and oh so many more.
What are we doing to our children? Will women in Burundi or Pakistan save our children in the US? Why can't we work at the liberation of the women in the US – the "mules of society" as Zora Neale Hurston called them -- the Black women of the United States? What woes would be cured if they did not have the difficulties they have? How are their problems any more their own fault than are the problems of the women in Burundi, et al?
And then, let us talk about the Latina women all over the US. What about them? How many educated Hispanics do any of us know? How many even finish high school? The dropout age for a Latina in Texas happens around the 9th grade. College is only a dream for them.
And then, when we are finished talking about the "minorities" which are not really minor at all, how about all those women in impoverished rural areas? What about the women of Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, Texas, Oklahoma, Mississippi or Louisiana?
What about these women of all colors in the US? What about them? Or do we expect them, since they live in the great United States of America, to just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps out of the muck and mire?
If women are so vital to the health and well being of our world – and I do agree that they are – how could they help this situation of our undereducated masses? What could they change if they were given the chance? Could they stop the disaster that is building?
“O God of justice and compassion, who put down the proud and the mighty from their place, and lift up the poor and afflicted: We give you thanks for your faithful witness Jonathan Myrick Daniels, who, in the midst of injustice and violence, risked and gave his life for another; and we pray that we, following his example, may make no peace with oppression; through Jesus Christ the just one: who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.”
http://satucket.com/lectionary/Jonathan_Daniels.htm
Psalm 85:7-13, Galatians 3:22-28, Luke 1:46-55
On August 14, 1965, the day Jonathan Daniels was arrested for picketing local businesses, I was twelve days from turning twelve years old. Many things were changing in my young life, but the issue of Civil Rights was not one of them. The death of a white boy in Alabama did not have much chance of resonating in my pre-teen rural Texas life. I lived on a ranch outside of Comanche, Texas. The town was very white oriented, even to the point of the big tree on the square referred to more often than not as the “Hanging Tree.”
The official myth behind the tree was that long ago it stood there during a raid by a group of Comanche Indians on the little settlement. Every person in the town was killed that day, except for one boy. He had the foresight to climb high in the tree and was quiet enough to be invisible to those trying to rid the land of the white interlopers. That is the official story of the tree. Yet, to its shame, it was also the site of numerous hangings of young black men further along in history.
It is not as though I was unaware of injustice. I knew it for what it was. It lived in many instances of everyday life. Yet the news of Jonathan Myrick Daniels’ death in Alabama did not penetrate my reality.
Playing the game of ‘What If?’ is rarely a worthwhile thing to play. Yet, if I did play it, I would like to think that had I known, had I been just a little older, I would have been motivated much as Jon Daniels was.
But that was then and it hardly matters what I might have done had I the chance. The only question worth asking today is, “What am I doing now?”
Often, I think – a lot! But always, at my core, I know it is not THE thing and it is far, far from enough.
I do not know what call lies ahead of me. But I do believe this: “the law was our disciplinarian until Christ came, so that we might be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer subject to a disciplinarian, for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.” (Galatians 3:23-26) Therefore I am subject first and foremost to my faith that God will guide me, today, tomorrow and the next.
So, I know the answer.
It has to be the same as Jonathan Daniels’, “I knew then that I must go…”
When Debbie, Tucker and I set out on our pilgrimage in the summer of 2007, we left with the words of the Gospels deep in our hearts and steady on our minds." take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff."
What we had was enough. Our faith in God alone was enough.
Fully believing that God was calling us to travel across this church and this land as a "face" of a non-traditional family of faith – two moms and their son – we sold most of what we had, gave away a lot more and put that which we thought we would need later into storage. We took off in our old motorhome and set about trying to live into what we perceived to be God's will for us.
Believing so strongly, hearing so clearly this call from God…still…we continually needed signs that yes, indeed, we were on the right path. Still…even though we had more than enough and were so full of passion that we touched people strongly enough with our story that they gave us love offerings to help continue our journey…still…we worried and fretted about how long, Oh Lord, how long would we have enough.
We are all such worrisome creatures. It seems to be against our human nature to be free of worry. It is a wonder that God has not throw up those proverbial hands and cried out in dismay "I want to start all over!" How we must frustrate the will of God every day!
I find some solace in my questioning and doubt when I read these passages from Exodus, Psalms and John. Paul seems to be the only apostle to have ever fully understand the whole of God's plan. Love one another and live as though this is our very last day. That, to me, is Paul's message throughout his letters. Oh, if we could only wrap our human hearts around that idea!
We crave so many things. Emotionally we are so immature in our faith. We are very similar to the Israelites in the wilderness. We resemble so closely those followers of Jesus who seem to work at being ignorant.
The days of the Israelites' liberation from captors are so clearly forgotten that being bound to Egypt seems more appealing than suffering what they think is too little from God. They cannot see the freedom that lies ahead…only what they have left behind…and this they obviously see through rose-colored glasses forgetting all the bad parts.
They ask for bread and and voila! A fine flaky substance appears on the ground for them from which they can make the bread. Yet they look at it and ask, "What is it?" Unable to recognize the very thing they asked for, they have to be told, "It is the bread that the LORD has given you to eat." Because it is not in the form that they recognize and perhaps not the exact thing for which they asked, they can't see it for what it is…not only a gift from God but one which will sustain them.
Psalm 78 tells of all that God did for the people: they ask for bread and it is given to them. The bread was not enough so they ask for meat and it is sent to them. They eat and are filled after receiving everything for which they ask – those things for which they crave. Yet we know, if we read past verse 29, they continue their cravings nonetheless.
When we read the Gospel of John, is it any wonder that Jesus sounds a bit cross or irritated at those continually chasing after him? Here they are, following him everywhere, hanging on every word, yet still unable to understand. The followers of Jesus have everything before them that would heal their craving yet they constantly seem confused, unaware, blind to that gift from God, that water of life, the bread of heaven.
Jacob did not give the Israelites the well that provided them with water; Moses did not give them the bread from heaven. All these things came from God alone. Jacob and Moses were merely the instruments of God's will. Jesus tries to get it across to his followers that the signs are nothing – we cannot base our belief in the signs.
The people have to SEE or touch to believe. Without these tangible signs, all they are is just full for the moment. Jesus is all about eternity, not the moment.
Going through the discernment process right now, I am constantly faced with the desire to see a sign that all is well; that the call that I feel is truly from God.
During the pilgrimage that we were on, we continually asked ourselves if we were doing the right thing.
Why do we have to KNOW? What is this DOUBT? Is it so illogical to believe in this thing we call Holy Scripture?
Why are we so afraid to live beyond the margins of human logic to follow that profound understanding deep in our hearts – that place I believe that God resides within us? Our minds long to believe the words of Jesus, "Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believe in me will never be thirsty." But our ability to reason tells us that this is impossible. Of course, we will get hungry and thirsty, regardless of how much we want to believe. Logic tells us that it is ridiculous to leave everything, give up all ties to the certain and walk into that faith that God will provide; God will lead. We want to believe the story about the lilies and the birds. We need to believe that all we have to do is ask and we will receive.
This was proven to us at every stop along our pilgrimage – people want to believe. They listened to us from Ohio to California. They wanted to do what they believed we were doing. They felt our passion and yet they recognized our fear. It was the recognition of that fear and their belief that we continued in spite of it that grabbed their attention.
Walking in faith is not about walking without fear. It is about walking in faith in spite of the fear – the logic that tells us we are about to fall off the end of the earth, that we are walking into the unknown, into a definite uncertainty. Walking in faith is about following even when others question our good sense; it is about taking one more step with the only certainty being the belief in our hearts that God is with us.
No wonder the Israelites complained about the weird stuff on the ground. Logic told them is was nothing usable. I completely understand the questions from the people following Jesus – how did you get across the sea; where did the bread and fish come from; what else are you going to do that will help us believe? I doubt there is one among us who would not have felt the same way as all of these people.
We will continue at times to allow logic to overrule our hearts. It is just our way. God knows that. But it is also God that calls us into the unknown, to continue on even though we may be afraid. It is Jesus who tells us, "Do not be afraid." We cannot let our fear hold us hostage. Fear is natural…even logical. But God is bigger.
That is when that prayer comes into play; "Feed on him in our hearts with thanksgiving."
Logic is human and so is fear. To live in Jesus and to feed on him in our hearts is so much bigger.
We have the signs. These are plentiful. We just need to remember to remember.
Jesus is that water by which we will never again thirst. Jesus is that bread for which we will never again hunger.
And all we can do is to continue to pray just as the people following Jesus did, "give us this bread…always."
Long ago (at least, it seems a long time ago), prior to entering into this strange process of discerning God's will for me in particular, I felt the call to step outside of myself to engage in activities that tested the boundaries that I had drawn so carefully around me. Of course, most of this experimentation went on in my mind rather than in any actual doing or being.
One poem struck me, stayed with me and remains on my desk today: Jenny Joseph's poem which begins with the line "When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple." The actual name of the poem is "Warning."
When I first read it, I did not consider myself any way close to an "old woman". I suppose many would say (me included on some days) that I am much closer to that label now than I was then. The poem seemed to me to be courageous, something that I never felt I could do…ever.
I was a timid child, almost to the point of being socially paralyzed. I know that not many believe it now but it was true then. Seriously!
I overcame that so far as being able to speak out, yet inside, stepping outside of what I knew, it was just not something that I could do. It affected many parts of my life, stalling me in many ways.
I grew up wanting to be a missionary preacher but by the time I was old enough to do that, the church as I knew it and I had already parted ways...not that I could have even had I stayed. I thought about the Peace Corp but when it got right down to thinking seriously about going into a foreign country with total strangers, I was struck numb.
I suppose that falling in love with Debbie gave me more courage than I could ever have imagined. Having something to stand up for gave me a sense of being that I had never before felt. Living into what I am became a bigger reality than living within the boundaries that I had drawn around myself. Leaping over the fences created by me, I realized another barrier: I had built my fences within a perimeter defined by society. Yet with my newfound courage built by love, I was able to see that the barriers were human made, not ones created by God.
Isn't it strange how difficult it is to break out of our own self-imposed limitations yet how much easier it is to strain against the confines of a ruling body? When we set our own limitations, we justify these with all sorts of excuses – I am too young/old, short/tall, skinny/fat, poor/rich, tired/busy – any excuse will do and is set in the concrete of our individual minds. Yet restrictions set by somebody else's moral code, even if that someone else is society at large, can easily be deemed judgmental, harsh and in great need of change.
The major difference, I suppose, is that the first fence is the one we set and deep inside of us, we know we can break it down when and if we need to do so. It is as much of a protection fence as it is a limiting one. But when others set restrictions upon us, we feel that bile begin to back up in our throats, burning, causing great discomfort. We can try to adjust our lives to that point at which we can live within the limits but the problem is always there. The only way to rid ourselves of the discomfort is to address the thing causing the problem. That means changing something in our lives.
The problem is this: unless we are highly motivated to change, we are afraid to live into our imagination. Because we are afraid of change, we are not able to eliminate our own boundaries much less recognize the limitations set by a society living in fear of that which could be. If we are not able to embrace change as a good thing, we cannot grow. And of course, we all know that if we do not grow, we become stagnant and begin to wither and die.
While I have much growing to do, I am no longer stunted. I do not want to wait until I am an old woman to realize that I can live into my imaginings – more honest than that – I can not wait to live into God's imaginings FOR me. I may not wear a "red" hat or spend my pennies on brandy or summer gloves and such, but I can live my life in a manner which defies "normal" common logic. For I believe God's will for me is nowhere near what can be perceived as common, logical or "normal".
Warning
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph (1961)
This is a sermon that I gave on March 1, 2008 in Fort Worth, Texas at a local nondenominational church on the occasion of Dr. Louie Crew visiting Integrity Fort Worth. We met in the nondenom church because then-bishop Jack Iker would not allow the word "Integrity" to be used if we met at Trinity Episcopal parish. Still, to this day, Integrity Fort Worth is not allowed to meet in an Episcopal parish in Fort Worth even though many good things are happening there.
In one of the hearings today at General Convention, one of the deputies took great pause at the idea that the Church is to blame for those crimes committed against LGBT people. I was reminded of this sermon that I delivered at that time. I think that it is still far too appropriate.
BGC
For Once You Were Darkness
God told Jeremiah to tell the people, "For surely I know the plans I have for you,… plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, … and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, … and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
I open with this message in Jeremiah 29: 11-14 even though it is not one of the readings for today. I use it as my email signature because it means so much to me. It gives me hope that one day this church, this Episcopal diocese in particular will be well and all those who have been driven out and sent away into exile will return. Meanwhile, it helps me to remember to trust God that the plans for my future, my welfare are clearly known, even if it is to God alone.
I have searched for God…I have sought God with all of my heart and I will one day be ready to be brought back into the place from which I have been driven away and sent into exile. So… I speak today from that place – in exile…a goodly place because I have been welcomed there but definitely not home – at least not yet.
Many of you know that Debbie, Tucker and I have been on a pilgrimage for the past eight months. We sold our home, our land and a whole lot of stuff and set out in an old motor home to hear what the Spirit is saying to the People of God. While we are still traveling, we have left behind the old motor home and are in the process of relocating to the Diocese of Missouri… to St. Louis, in particular so that I can enter into the process of ordination. Ordination is a little bit out of the question in Fort Worth in that first, I am female, second – a lesbian and third – in a monogamous committed, long term relationship.
Even though we are sort of settling down for a while, we still travel, speaking by invitation to those who invite us come visit their parishes, groups or workshops. Two weeks ago, we were in the Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin, at the invitation of the University of the Pacific in Stockton. We were asked to lead a workshop about our Journey in Faith. The University was sponsoring a conference for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex folk and their allies.
There were quite a few workshops dealing with issues that relate to LGBTQIA people – health, legalities of partnerships, marriage, civil unions, tax laws, spirituality, and faith. Does it surprise anyone that the workshops regarding faith were less attended that the ones on legal and health issues?
What does the church have to say to a bunch of lgbtqia people between the ages of 17 and 30? The "traditional" interpretation of the Word of God is a bit harsh to this group. And they, being the age that they are, are of a mind that if the Church doesn't need them, they certainly don't need the church.
I can't help but sometimes think that theirs is the far healthier attitude. I often wonder what is wrong with those of us who do subject ourselves week after week to the possibility…no the probability of being mortally "wounded in the house of a friend" yet one more time… yet, like a phoenix we keep rising and coming back for more. …OR… it is more like we are caught up in the too familiar cycle of abuse – spiritual abuse, in this case.
I would guess that statistics would show that most young people who have been raised in the church do a bit of backsliding when suddenly they are without the rules and regulations of family life and experiencing life on their own for the first time. If the church can't even hold on to these young strait people, how can it possibly reach out to the young people who are coming into a fuller understanding of what it means to be classified as an "abomination" in the eyes of the public?
I want to say to the Church at large, "Sleeper Awake…Live as children of light for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true."
I want to find ways to reach out to these young people who think that the church has no need of them. I want to help them understand that they are the fruit of the light and they are good and right and true.
At the workshop that we led, there were a couple of very important questions that were asked by those attending. "What do I tell my gay friend when he says to me that he doesn't believe in God"? and "How do I respond biblically when those people toss scripture at me to tell me how horrible I am?"
These are certainly two questions that we have failed to answer well enough. Maybe it is because we are unsure in our own minds as to the answers.
WHY does hellfire and damnation preach easier than "and God said, It is good"? Why is it easier to swallow certain passages from Leviticus and Romans than it is to talk about the love between David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi or even of Jesus and the Beloved Disciple? These are love stories…affirming stories…stories that make us see the world in a different way. Why are we so afraid of these? Why are we even thinking about sex? It is supposed to be about Love…For strange puritanical reasons, we think it is easier to scare our children into believing in God than it is to love them into it.
I am sure that most people here know the high rate of suicide amongst teenagers who are growing into the sense of just how different they seem to be in relation to the rest of their world. It is in these younger years that the risk of suicide is so much higher. How culpable is the church in these preventable deaths? Ask Mary Lou Wallner, now with SoulForce and recently in the documentary "For the Bible tells me so" -- Ask her what part the Church played in the suicide of Anna, her lesbian Christian daughter.
We all know the name Matthew Shepard. And now, too recently, Lawrence King, a just turned 15 year old middle school youth shot in the head by another mother's son because Lawrence sometimes dressed too femininely…two families torn to shreds…two lives lost.
What part did our silence or the limited acceptance of the Church play in these murders?
I say it played a lot. And I will say more.
Where is our RAGE? Where is our Righteous Indignation?
As long as we allow ourselves to think that we are not Good, as long as we allow gay people, young or older, to think that the Church has no need of them, as long as the Church remains silent or even less than adamant about all the children being children of God, until this Church stands up and loudly proclaims THIS FEAR IS WRONG, preventable suicides and murders will continue. Until we teach our children how to love rather than how to hate, these deaths will happen.
So, what role do we, as gay and lesbian Christians, play in all of this? We have a big role. Are we to just play the victim, hiding in the dark, trying not to rock the strait boat in case we suddenly find ourselves tossed out? Are we to allow others to decide for us the proper course of action – talking about us rather than to us or rather than letting us talk?
How can we defend ourselves if we don't even know if we are defendable? We cannot allow others to set the stage for our acceptance. We have to find our own way. We must find our way through love stories that affirm our right to life. And these stories are there…and these begin with that story of creation – And God said, It is Good.
The Rev. Steven Kindle, a Disciples of Christ minister who is also a part of the documentary "For the Bible Tells Me so", is really a fairly awesome guy. We met him in California. He is straight, married, with no gay children. His only "gay agenda" being that he is working hard to help the Church understand that gays and lesbians wanting to be a part of the church is a good thing…not a bad one. He openly admitted that he was initially homophobic. His mind was changed by knowing gays and lesbians within the congregation that he was in. His life changed by realizing their gifts to the church and as he realized these gifts he realized he was being called to help. As he was speaking, I couldn't help but hear in my mind, The Gifts of God for the People of God.
Think about it…not taking anything away from straight people, but good grief…Can you imagine the silence in the national Episcopal Church alone, in THIS diocese if all the gays and lesbians in the church decided to skip one Sunday? The silence would be deafening! Seriously, the liturgy, the homilies, the music – written and played, the vestments...so quiet, so bare if these gifts of God were denied. Yet what harm is done on a daily basis by asking these gifts to hide in that closet or to be good little boys and girls and don't make any trouble? We make the music, we write the songs and sew the linens, we even preach in some places…but don't get too uppity…don't be thinking about a long term monogamous relationship being blessed in the church and heaven forbid that we might have the sacrament of Holy Matrimony performed…and then of course, don't forget the celibacy vow we must take if we are called to serve God in God's church.
We are children of God…but definitely children of a lesser god…according to many.
Truly, this is spiritual abuse.
So, no…we are not to hide in a closet – not for any reason, ever. We are not to play the victim for sure! We cannot stifle our gifts from God simply because some people are not comfortable with us. We cannot wait any longer. Bishop Iker of this Episcopal Diocese told someone that I liked to create furor. I can think of few higher compliments for someone trying to follow Jesus. I think that creating furor is exactly what we are called to do in this Church. Jesus did. Jesus questioned the rules that excluded some over others. Can we do less? Will it cost us? Yes, it costs a lot. Yet it is the cloak that we have been given to wear. We cannot set it aside or cast it off. It is part of the gift.
Our role is that of protector…prophet…as a Child of the Light so that others might know us by that very Light – so that others may see their own way by that Light.
The church needs us. It needs our gifts.
We need the church. We need to share our gifts.
We need the gifts that the Church has to offer.
We need our youth – gay and straight alike. They are the gifts of the present and of the future.
The Church needs this future.
It is time to "Sing to the Lord a new song"…because the one that has been sung for too long is hate-filled. And as the Gifts of God, it is up to us to teach the church how to sing this new song!
Amen
