Living Presence
My friend Lindy at http://stillfruity.blogspot.com/ tagged me to reveal the one book that I could not live without. (sorry about the full link - still haven't taken time to figure out the "here" thing of linking one word with the site...archaic, I know.)
In my mind's background I have been letting this thought run for the last few days. I could name "To Kill a Mockingbird," my all time favorite book in the whole wide world since I was young. Or I could name "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison..."My daddy's face was a study". I think that is one of the most profound sentences ever written. The rest of the book is just as profound. Or Renita Weems' "Just a Sister Away". Or Esther de Waal's Rule of St. Benedict. Each one of these books had a mesmerizing effect upon me.
But the one book that I would not want to be without is "Living Presence A Sufi Way to Mindulness & the Essential Self". I don't know if the book led me into a greater understanding or if I was just at that moment of awareness but it was in the reading of this book that I began to understand the Presence of God. Whether I was aware of God or not; whether I felt that presence or not, God was with me, around me, in me, in all I saw, in the wooden bench that I sat upon, within each and every face that I looked into. God was there for me to experience, when and if I was ready.
It was in the reading of this book that I gained clarity on how very small and insignificant "I" was. It was in the giving of "I" that I became whole.
The whole of who I am may seem complicated when I try to break it down into pieces but if I turn it into an Essential Self that encompasses me but is not me alone, I become a simple work. And it is in that simplicity that I now live.
An example: (please forgive or give thanks for the changing of the masculine into the feminine)
"Sitting beneath a tree in a park was a poor woman quietly murmuring, "Oh God, God, God..." Many people must have passed iwthout notice or care, until someone sarcastically remarked: "I hear you calling God, but I don't hear God answering." The poor woman was thrown into perplexity. Time passed and some tears flowed before a messenger from God appeared and said, "Sister, your Lord wants you to know that your calling Her IS Her answer to you."
And so it is -- by my being a child of God, by my attempts to follow God's will in my life, so God answers me.
So, thank you, simple child of God, Lindy, fellow student of Love and Infinite Wisdom, Thank you. By the fact that we are seekers, God answers us. "What we love, we will become."
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old cloak, for the patch pulls away from the cloak, and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins; otherwise, the skins burst, and the wine is spilled, and the skins are destroyed; but new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.’ Matthew 9:16-17
Why does change terrify us so? That which we do not know, we fear.
I see that evidence amongst the fundamentalists who cry for Biblical literalism. I see it even among those who have taken a few steps forward but freeze up when what they have done is not quite enough...or when they realize the actual steps that they have taken. Fear is the thing that holds us hostage in our struggle for justice. I see it even at Christ Church Cathedral. We hold on to that which we know, certain that it is right, even when it is obvious to many that it is no longer working...or at least it is not working well enough.
Sometimes, I feel like a “piece of unshrunk cloth on an old cloak.” That is what Debbie and I both felt like in Fort Worth. We no longer fit onto the old cloak. As a result, the tear was made worse.
Yet now I feel as though I am a new wineskin in a place where the old wineskin has ruptured. The old wine is spilled out, never to be retrieved. Those who hold the remnant of the old wineskin continue to try to put the new into the old. Change looms up at them, frightening them into holding tightly to that which they know in an effort to ward off that which they do not know.
Historically, we fear change. That thought is evident throughout the Holy Scriptures. That is what the disciples of John feared as they questioned Jesus about why some fasted and some did not. Jesus tried to tell them that here he was, right then, a time to be learning, a time to be celebrating, a time to be embracing the new and setting aside the old.
Pentecost nears. Fifty days after the Resurrection. The Holy Spirit is ready to descend upon us and to share her gifts.
That is a scary thing to contemplate. For what is required of us if we accept these gifts? Are we called into Radical Hospitality? Are we called into true Listening? Are we called to Change?
I think the answer to all of those questions is Yes, we are. And yes, indeed, that is a scary think to think about. Yet, that fear is precisely what we have to set aside if we seriously desire understanding of God’s will in our lives. It means that we may be uncomfortable for a while.
So, let us toss aside the old wineskins – while these held that which we hold dear in safe stead for a while, as new wine is given to us, let us hold up ourselves as new wineskins that we might accept that which is being offered. We will remember the old, cherishing it for the fact that it has brought us safe thus far. Yet we will also hold close to us the idea that what is new today will be old soon enough. Let us grow strong in our dis-comfort.
That is the way of the Holy Spirit who is always leading us into new understanding.
Shalom.
Why does change terrify us so? That which we do not know, we fear.
I see that evidence amongst the fundamentalists who cry for Biblical literalism. I see it even among those who have taken a few steps forward but freeze up when what they have done is not quite enough...or when they realize the actual steps that they have taken. Fear is the thing that holds us hostage in our struggle for justice. I see it even at Christ Church Cathedral. We hold on to that which we know, certain that it is right, even when it is obvious to many that it is no longer working...or at least it is not working well enough.
Sometimes, I feel like a “piece of unshrunk cloth on an old cloak.” That is what Debbie and I both felt like in Fort Worth. We no longer fit onto the old cloak. As a result, the tear was made worse.
Yet now I feel as though I am a new wineskin in a place where the old wineskin has ruptured. The old wine is spilled out, never to be retrieved. Those who hold the remnant of the old wineskin continue to try to put the new into the old. Change looms up at them, frightening them into holding tightly to that which they know in an effort to ward off that which they do not know.
Historically, we fear change. That thought is evident throughout the Holy Scriptures. That is what the disciples of John feared as they questioned Jesus about why some fasted and some did not. Jesus tried to tell them that here he was, right then, a time to be learning, a time to be celebrating, a time to be embracing the new and setting aside the old.
Pentecost nears. Fifty days after the Resurrection. The Holy Spirit is ready to descend upon us and to share her gifts.
That is a scary thing to contemplate. For what is required of us if we accept these gifts? Are we called into Radical Hospitality? Are we called into true Listening? Are we called to Change?
I think the answer to all of those questions is Yes, we are. And yes, indeed, that is a scary think to think about. Yet, that fear is precisely what we have to set aside if we seriously desire understanding of God’s will in our lives. It means that we may be uncomfortable for a while.
So, let us toss aside the old wineskins – while these held that which we hold dear in safe stead for a while, as new wine is given to us, let us hold up ourselves as new wineskins that we might accept that which is being offered. We will remember the old, cherishing it for the fact that it has brought us safe thus far. Yet we will also hold close to us the idea that what is new today will be old soon enough. Let us grow strong in our dis-comfort.
That is the way of the Holy Spirit who is always leading us into new understanding.
Shalom.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
MONEY
"Money is the root of all evil." I can believe that. What angst is caused by the lack? What do people do for the lack of money? Well, we could get an earful at any jail or prison regarding the answer to that question. We know what people do because they need or want money.
It is a serious question . Money...money...money...how does it drive us? What decisions do we make that are determined solely for the desire of money?
Is having money sinful? No. I don't think so. But when it becomes the determining factor of the day, when it affects one's attitude or accounts for the actions that one takes, it can be determined evil.
The lack of funds is affecting us now. We began this journey with a nice little sum that we knew would one day be diminished. It has been at that point for a while now. But not that diminished lot is even less than.
So be it. All along we have fallen back on faith that God was leading us, God would provide for us. And guess what? We have never been disappointed...worried a bit at times but never disappointed.
So, what do we do now? A job like I have always wanted has fallen in my lap. A parttime job but a job and one that I really like as Christian Education Director at Christ Church Cathedral. Glory! I am happy.
But is it enough? No...we have to have faith. We have been led thus far...we will not be forgotten now.
"Money is the root of all evil." I can believe that. What angst is caused by the lack? What do people do for the lack of money? Well, we could get an earful at any jail or prison regarding the answer to that question. We know what people do because they need or want money.
It is a serious question . Money...money...money...how does it drive us? What decisions do we make that are determined solely for the desire of money?
Is having money sinful? No. I don't think so. But when it becomes the determining factor of the day, when it affects one's attitude or accounts for the actions that one takes, it can be determined evil.
The lack of funds is affecting us now. We began this journey with a nice little sum that we knew would one day be diminished. It has been at that point for a while now. But not that diminished lot is even less than.
So be it. All along we have fallen back on faith that God was leading us, God would provide for us. And guess what? We have never been disappointed...worried a bit at times but never disappointed.
So, what do we do now? A job like I have always wanted has fallen in my lap. A parttime job but a job and one that I really like as Christian Education Director at Christ Church Cathedral. Glory! I am happy.
But is it enough? No...we have to have faith. We have been led thus far...we will not be forgotten now.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Getting Over the Bumps
I miss Leslie. I miss the possibility that I will open my email and she will be there. I didn’t know her enough to have actually heard her laugh but I know that I heard it through her words. She laughed. And it was good. And I miss that.
But more than her passing, the thing that made me stumble on this journey was the idea that I could not cure her through my prayer. I know that Debbie felt the same way also.
We are told that all we have to do is to “ask and it shall be received”. We are told that our prayers are not only heard but answered, that it is our faith that will make us whole, make the prayer be realized.
Now, we know that prayers asking for $ 1 million are not going to be answered necessarily. We know that often we are glad that certain prayers are not answered…at least not in the way that these are asked. We know that we too often ask for the wrong things or the wrong solutions to a problem. And we understand that just because we don’t think we receive an answer, in time an answer is realized. And we realize that to be born is to die one day, regardless.
We prayed for Leslie – for her healing, for a miracle. Just like the psalmist, we reminded God that the world would be better served by the phenomenon of Leslie’s healing rather than her untimely dying, that God would be better glorified by her being made well. To be the product of a miracle would be a living, walking, praising testament to God’s great power in our lives – a modern day version of the leper, the blind man, the lame man, the woman whose daughter had a demon. We didn’t pray for God’s will to be done because we feared that leaving this life would be too much of a possibility.
More than praying…we believed that our long distance prayers could heal her.
So. We can look at this one of several ways. Prayer doesn’t really work. It doesn’t really matter because if God’s will is that someone dies, that someone dies. So, if that is the case, does it not seem logical that if a person appears to be dying and we pray that if that person suddenly recovers into life again, that prayer didn’t really matter? If it is time, it is time, no matter what?
Or we could justify – our faith wasn’t strong enough or that in her illness, Leslie served God well –how many lives were touched and brought closer to God simply by her faithful witness and presence? Would Angi be the same type of preacher that we know she will be had she not gone on this long journey with Leslie?
Well, we knew that it wasn’t a matter of our faith being strong enough. It was. We believed. Too many moments of God’s healing power through our own lives, made us sure that a miracle was possible. While I do not believe that God makes people sick to serve a purpose, I do believe that in that illness we still have choices on how to serve God. I believe that Leslie chose to continue serving.
Debbie and I sat yesterday and we talked. And cried. We both knew that we were experiencing what felt like a crisis in faith. But maybe it was just a bump.
In talking, we came into a thought that prayer isn’t always about or even for the person for whom we are praying. Sometimes it is for the one offering the prayer. We knew that Leslie’s time on this earth was limited. Each prayer we prayed brought us closer to that understanding, especially as her condition became more critical and her understanding of her own mortality became even clearer. Just as she was preparing herself, so were we getting ready for our loss.
The prayer was a way for us to come into an understanding.
Sometimes prayer is for the one being prayed for simply because that person is not able to pray at that moment. I know that I experienced a certain amount of anger after learning of her passing. I know from Leslie’s last few blogs that she was a little bit angry at the idea people were just trying to make her “comfortable”, as though they were giving up. Anger is a form of prayer, I suppose. Still, when one is angry it is difficult to believe that those words are prayers, no matter how much these are lifted up. Perhaps our prayers for miracle healing of Leslie were prayers to help her ready herself for the “transformation”.
I don’t know. I know that we should have been at the memorial service. I know that would have helped in our own healing and prayer crisis. But it just wasn’t possible.
I still believe in the power of prayers. I will continue to pray – the Morning Office and all day long. My very breath is a prayer of thanksgiving; each shortened breath due to anxiety or fear is a prayer for help, each long sigh a prayer for peace. I will pray. It is the only thing that gives me power.
Hopefully we are getting over this little bump. We will still miss her but we know that we are far better for having been called a friend by her. Our lives are better because of her. The world is a better place because of her time upon it. We give a prayer of Thanksgiving for the time we were able to share. We pray that we will carry her ideas of justice and love of laughter close to our hearts and minds forever.
I miss Leslie. I miss the possibility that I will open my email and she will be there. I didn’t know her enough to have actually heard her laugh but I know that I heard it through her words. She laughed. And it was good. And I miss that.
But more than her passing, the thing that made me stumble on this journey was the idea that I could not cure her through my prayer. I know that Debbie felt the same way also.
We are told that all we have to do is to “ask and it shall be received”. We are told that our prayers are not only heard but answered, that it is our faith that will make us whole, make the prayer be realized.
Now, we know that prayers asking for $ 1 million are not going to be answered necessarily. We know that often we are glad that certain prayers are not answered…at least not in the way that these are asked. We know that we too often ask for the wrong things or the wrong solutions to a problem. And we understand that just because we don’t think we receive an answer, in time an answer is realized. And we realize that to be born is to die one day, regardless.
We prayed for Leslie – for her healing, for a miracle. Just like the psalmist, we reminded God that the world would be better served by the phenomenon of Leslie’s healing rather than her untimely dying, that God would be better glorified by her being made well. To be the product of a miracle would be a living, walking, praising testament to God’s great power in our lives – a modern day version of the leper, the blind man, the lame man, the woman whose daughter had a demon. We didn’t pray for God’s will to be done because we feared that leaving this life would be too much of a possibility.
More than praying…we believed that our long distance prayers could heal her.
So. We can look at this one of several ways. Prayer doesn’t really work. It doesn’t really matter because if God’s will is that someone dies, that someone dies. So, if that is the case, does it not seem logical that if a person appears to be dying and we pray that if that person suddenly recovers into life again, that prayer didn’t really matter? If it is time, it is time, no matter what?
Or we could justify – our faith wasn’t strong enough or that in her illness, Leslie served God well –how many lives were touched and brought closer to God simply by her faithful witness and presence? Would Angi be the same type of preacher that we know she will be had she not gone on this long journey with Leslie?
Well, we knew that it wasn’t a matter of our faith being strong enough. It was. We believed. Too many moments of God’s healing power through our own lives, made us sure that a miracle was possible. While I do not believe that God makes people sick to serve a purpose, I do believe that in that illness we still have choices on how to serve God. I believe that Leslie chose to continue serving.
Debbie and I sat yesterday and we talked. And cried. We both knew that we were experiencing what felt like a crisis in faith. But maybe it was just a bump.
In talking, we came into a thought that prayer isn’t always about or even for the person for whom we are praying. Sometimes it is for the one offering the prayer. We knew that Leslie’s time on this earth was limited. Each prayer we prayed brought us closer to that understanding, especially as her condition became more critical and her understanding of her own mortality became even clearer. Just as she was preparing herself, so were we getting ready for our loss.
The prayer was a way for us to come into an understanding.
Sometimes prayer is for the one being prayed for simply because that person is not able to pray at that moment. I know that I experienced a certain amount of anger after learning of her passing. I know from Leslie’s last few blogs that she was a little bit angry at the idea people were just trying to make her “comfortable”, as though they were giving up. Anger is a form of prayer, I suppose. Still, when one is angry it is difficult to believe that those words are prayers, no matter how much these are lifted up. Perhaps our prayers for miracle healing of Leslie were prayers to help her ready herself for the “transformation”.
I don’t know. I know that we should have been at the memorial service. I know that would have helped in our own healing and prayer crisis. But it just wasn’t possible.
I still believe in the power of prayers. I will continue to pray – the Morning Office and all day long. My very breath is a prayer of thanksgiving; each shortened breath due to anxiety or fear is a prayer for help, each long sigh a prayer for peace. I will pray. It is the only thing that gives me power.
Hopefully we are getting over this little bump. We will still miss her but we know that we are far better for having been called a friend by her. Our lives are better because of her. The world is a better place because of her time upon it. We give a prayer of Thanksgiving for the time we were able to share. We pray that we will carry her ideas of justice and love of laughter close to our hearts and minds forever.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
See You Later, Leslie Farrell
Back a long time ago in what seems like another age, I met a woman at Brite Divinity School. Angi worked part time for the school while also attending classes. Often we worked in the computer lab at the same time. We began a conversation that led us both into talking about our partners, our lives, our churches. Somewhere in the conversation, the inevitable conversation about the Diocese of Fort Worth came up. I remember clearly her saying, “You need to talk to my partner, Leslie.”
Sometime after that, Leslie and I did begin an email conversation. We talked mostly of things spiritual. She was basically in the process of leaving the Episcopal Church simply because Angi was going through Divinity School and was not really interested in being a priest/preacher in the Episcopal Church. I could understand that. The Episcopal Church in Dallas was/is not much more affirming to gays and lesbians, especially those in partnerships, than is the Church in Fort Worth.
We all wanted to get together for dinner – us go to Dallas or them come to Fort Worth. We wanted to all meet because we knew that we could be friends. But Leslie kept having flu-like symptoms so we kept putting it off. I remember clearly the email that I got from Leslie telling me that she had been diagnosed on Christmas Eve with leukemia…Ph+ ALL. That was just after Christmas three years ago? I think three years. I know that it was soon determined that the prognosis for her living very long without a bone marrow transplant was not very long. But she did.
At one point, we all arranged to meet at Trinity Episcopal Church in Fort Worth for a healing service. We just wanted to touch her, to feel the presence of the Spirit within us all, healing her, making her whole. We can only guess what power existed within that short time we were actually able to meet together. Little did we know how Holy she already was.
She continued in her own indomitable way, refusing to give in, continuing to hope and to fight and to live. When a bone marrow donor match could not be found, she continued to fight on. She became a human guinea pig, subjecting herself to new techniques, trial drugs, all with the hope that if it didn’t cure her, it would give hope to someone else. She had a stem cell transplant. Then there was a relapse. They did a second transplant. Too soon, there was another relapse. Still, she fought on.
I know nothing at this time of posting. On Sunday, Angi posted the news that they were waiting…the fevers had gotten so high and so prolonged that the prognosis of coming out of it was not good. Leslie was responding only to the pain. Yesterday the news was that she and all her loved ones gathering at her bedside were saying goodbye. Leslie elected to stop all blood products and antibiotic treatment. She was ready for her “new adventure”.
I love Leslie. She is passionate, persistent and full of righteous indignation that people can be so lax and even mean. She is an awesome witness to the love of God. She sees an injustice and wants to fight to correct it. She helped motivate me on several occasions to speak out in truth and love. She and Angi together make such a statement of faith simply by living.
Even to this point, Leslie is giving. Regardless of what the treatments did or didn’t do for her, the trials she participated within, the essays she wrote about the tragedy of our under-insured nation, her testimonies as to the truth of what it means to give blood and blood products, these all a part of Leslie’s giving way of living. Her faith in God, her love of life gave more in her simple everyday actions than she might ever know. She gave with every breath she took, every word she wrote.
So, we wait, knowing full well that it is possible that she is already gone.
But Leslie will live on…I will miss her probing emails, her sense of righteous indignation but she will continue to live on in our hearts forever. As a result, she will continue to give.
We aren’t saying goodbye to Leslie. We will just say “See you later, Leslie. We love you.”.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sunday, March 02, 2008
My sermon from the Eucharist service on Saturday, March 1, 2008. Integrity Fort Worth, Dr. Louie Crew's visit and talk...
Fruit of the Light
God told Jeremiah to tell the people, “For surely I know the plans I have for you,… plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, … and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, … and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
I open with this message in Jeremiah 29: 11-14 even though it is not one of the readings for today. I use it as my email signature because it means so much to me. It gives me hope that one day this church, this Episcopal diocese in particular will be well and all those who have been driven out and sent away into exile will return. Meanwhile, it helps me to remember to trust God that the plans for my future, my welfare are clearly known, even if it is to God alone.
I have searched for God…I have sought God with all of my heart and I will one day be ready to be brought back into the place from which I have been driven away and sent into exile. So… I speak today from that place – in exile…a goodly place because I have been welcomed there but definitely not home – at least not yet.
Many of you know that Debbie, Tucker and I have been on a pilgrimage for the past eight months. We sold our home, our land and a whole lot of stuff and set out in an old motor home to hear what the Spirit is saying to the People of God. While we are still traveling, we have left behind the old motor home and are in the process of relocating to the Diocese of Missouri… to St. Louis, in particular so that I can enter into the process of ordination. Ordination is a little bit out of the question in Fort Worth in that first, I am female, second – in a monogamous committed, long term relationship with another woman.
Even though we are sort of settling down for a while, we still travel, speaking by invitation to those who invite us come visit their parishes, groups or workshops. Two weeks ago, we were in the Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin, at the invitation of the University of the Pacific in Stockton. We were asked to lead a workshop about our Journey in Faith. The University was sponsoring a conference for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex folk and their allies.
There were quite a few workshops dealing with issues that relate to LGBTQIA people – health, legalities of partnerships, marriage, civil unions, tax laws, spirituality, and faith. Does it surprise anyone that the workshops regarding faith were less attended that the ones on legal and health issues?
What does the church have to say to a bunch of lgbtqia people between the ages of 17 and 30? The “traditional” interpretation of the Word of God is a bit harsh to this group. And they, being the age that they are, are of a mind that if the Church doesn’t need them, they certainly don’t need the church.
I can’t help but sometimes think that theirs is the far healthier attitude. I often wonder what is wrong with those of us who do subject ourselves week after week to the possibility…no the probability of being mortally “wounded in the house of a friend” yet one more time… yet, like a phoenix we keep rising and coming back for more. …OR… it is more like we are caught up in the too familiar cycle of abuse – spiritual abuse, in this case.
I would guess that statistics would show that most young people who have been raised in the church do a bit of backsliding when suddenly they are without the rules and regulations of family life and experiencing life on their own for the first time. If the church can’t even hold on to these young strait people, how can it possibly reach out to the young people who are coming into a fuller understanding of what it means to be classified as an “abomination” in the eyes of the public?
I want to say to the Church at large, “Sleeper Awake…Live as children of light for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true.”
I want to find ways to reach out to these young people who think that the church has no need of them. I want to help them understand that they are the fruit of the light and they are good and right and true.
At the workshop that we led, there were a couple of very important questions that were asked by those attending. “What do I tell my gay friend when he says to me that he doesn’t believe in God”? and “How do I respond biblically when those people toss scripture at me to tell me how horrible I am?”
These are certainly two questions that we have failed to answer well enough. Maybe it is because we are unsure in our own minds as to the answers.
WHY does hellfire and damnation preach easier than “and God said, It is good”? Why is it easier to swallow certain passages from Leviticus and Romans than it is to talk about the love between David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi or even of Jesus and the Beloved Disciple? These are love stories…affirming stories…stories that make us see the world in a different way. Why are we so afraid of these? Why are we even thinking about sex? It is supposed to be about Love…For strange puritanical reasons, we think it is easier to scare our children into believing in God than it is to love them into it.
I am sure that most people here know the high rate of suicide amongst teenagers who are growing into the sense of just how different they seem to be in relation to the rest of their world. It is in these younger years that the risk of suicide is so much higher. How culpable is the church in these preventable deaths? Ask Mary Lou Wallner, now with SoulForce and recently in the documentary “For the Bible tells me so” -- Ask her what part the Church played in the suicide of Anna, her lesbian Christian daughter.
We all know the name Matthew Shepard.
And now, too recently, Lawrence King, a just turned 15 year old middle school youth shot in the head by another mother’s son because Lawrence sometimes dressed too femininely…all because Lawrence asked Brandon, two days earlier asked him to be his Valentine...two families torn to shreds…two lives lost.
What part did our silence or the limited acceptance of the Church play in these murders?
I say it played a lot.
Where is our RAGE? Where is our Righteous Indignation?
As long as we allow ourselves to think that we are not Good, as long as we allow gay people, young or older, to think that the Church has no need of them, as long as the Church remains silent or even less than adamant about all the children being children of God, until this Church stands up and loudly proclaims THIS FEAR IS WRONG, preventable suicides and murders will continue. Until we teach our children how to love rather than how to hate, these deaths will happen.
So, what role do we, as gay and lesbian Christians, play in all of this? We have a big role. Are we to just play the victim, hiding in the dark, trying not to rock the strait boat in case we suddenly find ourselves tossed out? Are we to allow others to decide for us the proper course of action – talking about us rather than to us or rather than letting us talk?
How can we defend ourselves if we don’t even know if we are defendable? We cannot allow others to set the stage for our acceptance. We have to find our own way. We must find our way through love stories that affirm our right to life. And these stories are there…and these begin with that story of creation – And God said, It is Good.
The Rev. Steven Kindle, a Disciples of Christ minister who is also a part of the documentary “For the Bible Tells Me so”, is really a fairly awesome guy. We met him in California. He is straight, married, with no gay children. His only “gay agenda” being that he is working hard to help the Church understand that gays and lesbians wanting to be a part of the church is a good thing…not a bad one. He openly admitted that he was initially homophobic. His mind was changed by knowing gays and lesbians within the congregation that he was in. His life changed by realizing their gifts to the church and as he realized these gifts he realized he was being called to help. As he was speaking, I couldn’t help but hear in my mind, The Gifts of God for the People of God.
Think about it…not taking anything away from straight people, but good grief…Can you imagine the silence in the national Episcopal Church alone, in THIS diocese if all the gays and lesbians in the church decided to skip one Sunday? The silence would be deafening! Seriously, the liturgy, the homilies, the music – written and played, the vestments...so quiet, so bare if these gifts of God were denied. Yet what harm is done on a daily basis by asking these gifts to hide in that closet or to be good little boys and girls and don’t make any trouble? We make the music, we write the songs and sew the linens, we even preach in some places…but don’t get too uppity…don’t be thinking about a long term monogamous relationship being blessed in the church and heaven forbid that we might have the sacrament of Holy Matrimony performed…and then of course, don’t forget the celibacy vow we must take if we are called to serve God in God’s church.
We are children of God…but definitely children of a lesser god…according to many.
Truly, this is spiritual abuse.
So, no…we are not to hide in a closet – not for any reason, ever. We are not to play the victim for sure! We cannot stifle our gifts from God simply because some people are not comfortable with us. We cannot wait any longer.
It has been said of me that I like to create furor. I can think of few higher compliments for someone trying to follow Jesus. I think that creating furor is exactly what we are called to do in this Church. Jesus did. Jesus questioned the rules that excluded some over others. Can we do less? Will it cost us? Yes, it costs a lot. Yet it is the cloak that we have been given to wear. We cannot set it aside or cast it off. It is part of the gift.
Our role is that of protector…prophet…as a Child of the Light so that others might know us by that very Light – so that others may see their own way by that Light.
The church needs us. It needs our gifts.
We need the church. We need to share our gifts.
We need the gifts that the Church has to offer.
We need our youth – gay and straight alike. They are the gifts of the present and of the future.
The Church needs this future.
It is time to “Sing to the Lord a new song”…because the one that has been sung for too long is hate-filled. And as the Gifts of God, it is up to us to teach the church how to sing this new song!
Amen
Fruit of the Light
God told Jeremiah to tell the people, “For surely I know the plans I have for you,… plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, … and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, … and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
I open with this message in Jeremiah 29: 11-14 even though it is not one of the readings for today. I use it as my email signature because it means so much to me. It gives me hope that one day this church, this Episcopal diocese in particular will be well and all those who have been driven out and sent away into exile will return. Meanwhile, it helps me to remember to trust God that the plans for my future, my welfare are clearly known, even if it is to God alone.
I have searched for God…I have sought God with all of my heart and I will one day be ready to be brought back into the place from which I have been driven away and sent into exile. So… I speak today from that place – in exile…a goodly place because I have been welcomed there but definitely not home – at least not yet.
Many of you know that Debbie, Tucker and I have been on a pilgrimage for the past eight months. We sold our home, our land and a whole lot of stuff and set out in an old motor home to hear what the Spirit is saying to the People of God. While we are still traveling, we have left behind the old motor home and are in the process of relocating to the Diocese of Missouri… to St. Louis, in particular so that I can enter into the process of ordination. Ordination is a little bit out of the question in Fort Worth in that first, I am female, second – in a monogamous committed, long term relationship with another woman.
Even though we are sort of settling down for a while, we still travel, speaking by invitation to those who invite us come visit their parishes, groups or workshops. Two weeks ago, we were in the Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin, at the invitation of the University of the Pacific in Stockton. We were asked to lead a workshop about our Journey in Faith. The University was sponsoring a conference for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex folk and their allies.
There were quite a few workshops dealing with issues that relate to LGBTQIA people – health, legalities of partnerships, marriage, civil unions, tax laws, spirituality, and faith. Does it surprise anyone that the workshops regarding faith were less attended that the ones on legal and health issues?
What does the church have to say to a bunch of lgbtqia people between the ages of 17 and 30? The “traditional” interpretation of the Word of God is a bit harsh to this group. And they, being the age that they are, are of a mind that if the Church doesn’t need them, they certainly don’t need the church.
I can’t help but sometimes think that theirs is the far healthier attitude. I often wonder what is wrong with those of us who do subject ourselves week after week to the possibility…no the probability of being mortally “wounded in the house of a friend” yet one more time… yet, like a phoenix we keep rising and coming back for more. …OR… it is more like we are caught up in the too familiar cycle of abuse – spiritual abuse, in this case.
I would guess that statistics would show that most young people who have been raised in the church do a bit of backsliding when suddenly they are without the rules and regulations of family life and experiencing life on their own for the first time. If the church can’t even hold on to these young strait people, how can it possibly reach out to the young people who are coming into a fuller understanding of what it means to be classified as an “abomination” in the eyes of the public?
I want to say to the Church at large, “Sleeper Awake…Live as children of light for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true.”
I want to find ways to reach out to these young people who think that the church has no need of them. I want to help them understand that they are the fruit of the light and they are good and right and true.
At the workshop that we led, there were a couple of very important questions that were asked by those attending. “What do I tell my gay friend when he says to me that he doesn’t believe in God”? and “How do I respond biblically when those people toss scripture at me to tell me how horrible I am?”
These are certainly two questions that we have failed to answer well enough. Maybe it is because we are unsure in our own minds as to the answers.
WHY does hellfire and damnation preach easier than “and God said, It is good”? Why is it easier to swallow certain passages from Leviticus and Romans than it is to talk about the love between David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi or even of Jesus and the Beloved Disciple? These are love stories…affirming stories…stories that make us see the world in a different way. Why are we so afraid of these? Why are we even thinking about sex? It is supposed to be about Love…For strange puritanical reasons, we think it is easier to scare our children into believing in God than it is to love them into it.
I am sure that most people here know the high rate of suicide amongst teenagers who are growing into the sense of just how different they seem to be in relation to the rest of their world. It is in these younger years that the risk of suicide is so much higher. How culpable is the church in these preventable deaths? Ask Mary Lou Wallner, now with SoulForce and recently in the documentary “For the Bible tells me so” -- Ask her what part the Church played in the suicide of Anna, her lesbian Christian daughter.
We all know the name Matthew Shepard.
And now, too recently, Lawrence King, a just turned 15 year old middle school youth shot in the head by another mother’s son because Lawrence sometimes dressed too femininely…all because Lawrence asked Brandon, two days earlier asked him to be his Valentine...two families torn to shreds…two lives lost.
What part did our silence or the limited acceptance of the Church play in these murders?
I say it played a lot.
Where is our RAGE? Where is our Righteous Indignation?
As long as we allow ourselves to think that we are not Good, as long as we allow gay people, young or older, to think that the Church has no need of them, as long as the Church remains silent or even less than adamant about all the children being children of God, until this Church stands up and loudly proclaims THIS FEAR IS WRONG, preventable suicides and murders will continue. Until we teach our children how to love rather than how to hate, these deaths will happen.
So, what role do we, as gay and lesbian Christians, play in all of this? We have a big role. Are we to just play the victim, hiding in the dark, trying not to rock the strait boat in case we suddenly find ourselves tossed out? Are we to allow others to decide for us the proper course of action – talking about us rather than to us or rather than letting us talk?
How can we defend ourselves if we don’t even know if we are defendable? We cannot allow others to set the stage for our acceptance. We have to find our own way. We must find our way through love stories that affirm our right to life. And these stories are there…and these begin with that story of creation – And God said, It is Good.
The Rev. Steven Kindle, a Disciples of Christ minister who is also a part of the documentary “For the Bible Tells Me so”, is really a fairly awesome guy. We met him in California. He is straight, married, with no gay children. His only “gay agenda” being that he is working hard to help the Church understand that gays and lesbians wanting to be a part of the church is a good thing…not a bad one. He openly admitted that he was initially homophobic. His mind was changed by knowing gays and lesbians within the congregation that he was in. His life changed by realizing their gifts to the church and as he realized these gifts he realized he was being called to help. As he was speaking, I couldn’t help but hear in my mind, The Gifts of God for the People of God.
Think about it…not taking anything away from straight people, but good grief…Can you imagine the silence in the national Episcopal Church alone, in THIS diocese if all the gays and lesbians in the church decided to skip one Sunday? The silence would be deafening! Seriously, the liturgy, the homilies, the music – written and played, the vestments...so quiet, so bare if these gifts of God were denied. Yet what harm is done on a daily basis by asking these gifts to hide in that closet or to be good little boys and girls and don’t make any trouble? We make the music, we write the songs and sew the linens, we even preach in some places…but don’t get too uppity…don’t be thinking about a long term monogamous relationship being blessed in the church and heaven forbid that we might have the sacrament of Holy Matrimony performed…and then of course, don’t forget the celibacy vow we must take if we are called to serve God in God’s church.
We are children of God…but definitely children of a lesser god…according to many.
Truly, this is spiritual abuse.
So, no…we are not to hide in a closet – not for any reason, ever. We are not to play the victim for sure! We cannot stifle our gifts from God simply because some people are not comfortable with us. We cannot wait any longer.
It has been said of me that I like to create furor. I can think of few higher compliments for someone trying to follow Jesus. I think that creating furor is exactly what we are called to do in this Church. Jesus did. Jesus questioned the rules that excluded some over others. Can we do less? Will it cost us? Yes, it costs a lot. Yet it is the cloak that we have been given to wear. We cannot set it aside or cast it off. It is part of the gift.
Our role is that of protector…prophet…as a Child of the Light so that others might know us by that very Light – so that others may see their own way by that Light.
The church needs us. It needs our gifts.
We need the church. We need to share our gifts.
We need the gifts that the Church has to offer.
We need our youth – gay and straight alike. They are the gifts of the present and of the future.
The Church needs this future.
It is time to “Sing to the Lord a new song”…because the one that has been sung for too long is hate-filled. And as the Gifts of God, it is up to us to teach the church how to sing this new song!
Amen
Monday, February 25, 2008
Louie Crew in Fort Worth, Texas
It is a great honor and privilege to have Dr. Crew in our midst this next Saturday, March 1, 2008! We give great thanks for all that he has done in the past and all that he continues to do.
So, it is with great joy that I invite you to come hear Louie speak in Fort Worth. This is a momentous occasion. Come be a part of it.
On Saturday, March 1, 2008, Integrity Fort Worth will host Dr. Crew, whose topic will be "Exceedingly Glad in Times Like These," at Celebration Community Church, 908 Pennsylvania Avenue, Fort Worth, TX. Dr. Crew will speak at 3:30 PM after the Holy Eucharist at 2:00 PM, led by the Rt. Rev. Sam Hulsey, retired bishop of Northwest Texas. Registration will begin at 1:30 p.m. There will be a reception in the parish hall following Dr. Crew's address.
It is a great honor and privilege to have Dr. Crew in our midst this next Saturday, March 1, 2008! We give great thanks for all that he has done in the past and all that he continues to do.
So, it is with great joy that I invite you to come hear Louie speak in Fort Worth. This is a momentous occasion. Come be a part of it.
On Saturday, March 1, 2008, Integrity Fort Worth will host Dr. Crew, whose topic will be "Exceedingly Glad in Times Like These," at Celebration Community Church, 908 Pennsylvania Avenue, Fort Worth, TX. Dr. Crew will speak at 3:30 PM after the Holy Eucharist at 2:00 PM, led by the Rt. Rev. Sam Hulsey, retired bishop of Northwest Texas. Registration will begin at 1:30 p.m. There will be a reception in the parish hall following Dr. Crew's address.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
SIGH...
So, here we are in St. Louis. The truck is FINALLY unloaded and returned to its rightful place. The townhouse is crammed pack full and the basement fuller.
Good grief, people, let me warn you right now - DIVEST yourself of junk! Unless, of course, you never plan on moving plus you have a wish to really get back at your kids. If that is the case, well, then, keep all that junk you have been collecting for the past 50 years.
We have culled...and culled...and culled. Still we have too much stuff.
If we are truly called into a life of ministry, can we hold on to all this material junk and be ready to follow God's call to us? I don't see how.
Carrying around this much junk makes a person grouchy, touchy and these things are hardly conducive to a closer walk with Jesus...
So...heed this prophetic warning....Divest, divest, divest!
So, here we are in St. Louis. The truck is FINALLY unloaded and returned to its rightful place. The townhouse is crammed pack full and the basement fuller.
Good grief, people, let me warn you right now - DIVEST yourself of junk! Unless, of course, you never plan on moving plus you have a wish to really get back at your kids. If that is the case, well, then, keep all that junk you have been collecting for the past 50 years.
We have culled...and culled...and culled. Still we have too much stuff.
If we are truly called into a life of ministry, can we hold on to all this material junk and be ready to follow God's call to us? I don't see how.
Carrying around this much junk makes a person grouchy, touchy and these things are hardly conducive to a closer walk with Jesus...
So...heed this prophetic warning....Divest, divest, divest!
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